Are you familiar with that? You really want to travel to a different country explore another culture and have the best time of your life. You know for sure that this job is meant for you and want to go in the job interview with the most positive attitude. You really want to be disciplined and get this task done. And you finally want to get rid of your past relationship.
But what about that aspect of you who is actually very scared of just packing all your stuff and go to a place you have never been before with a culture who seems to be scarier than seeing your neighbour naked. What about the aspect of yours who fears that this new job is actually more stressful then the one you just quit. What about this voice in your head that is saying that you should lie in bed and watch a movie instead of working day and night. And what about this Aspect who doesn’t want to get rid of the ex -partner and fears to be single?
In Fact we all want to move on and just try things out, but what I experienced within my mind is the following. Whenever a negative, doubtful or fearful thought according to a certain circumstance comes up, I tend to totally shut it down.
In my head it sounds like that: “Negative thinking is not the way to move forward”, “I don’t have to fear that. I am sure everything turns out good – think positive Marina” “No! I need to stop thinking about that immediately.”
Once I watched this behaviour, I found out that the best way to move on is to give those voices who might be doubtful, negative and scary, the same attention and room to be expressed, as all the exiting, lovable and positive thoughts.
But why do we have all those different voices or aspects within us and what is the best way to deal with them?
The answer is Fragmentation. Everyone of us has experienced some kind of Trauma. If you are aware of it or not. When someone gets traumatised our consciousness splits up as a form of self-protection. We are moving from a singularity to a multiplicity.
Imagine that there is not only one Identity existing inside you. There is Identity 1, Identity 2, Identity 3, Identity 4 and yes also Identity 5, as well as Identity 6 and the list goes on and on.
Every single one of your aspects has different thoughts, ideas, preferences, needs and visions. Nevertheless, they are all part of you!
Just shutting some of them down is like a big family who is sitting together discussing their next family trip. In that family 7 people would talk while they are busy taping up the mouths of the other 2 family members. Do you think the family trip will be enjoyable for the whole family? Do you think they even make it to the final destination? The odds are long.
We don`t have to believe everything we think, but in order to change certain believes and to move on we need to observe them and get to know those aspects of us. Instead of creating thoughts or behaviours which are supressing other thoughts and comments in our mind, we can instead try to be with us. With the “good” thoughts and with the “bad” thoughts.
Imagine you want to move a mirror from one place to another. The mirror is broken into many pieces distributed on the floor. In order to movie the hole mirror you first need to pick up the pieces on the floor and connect them to the mirror. Not till then you are able to move the entire mirror and see yourself clearly.
I want to encourage you to take every single aspect of you serious and let every voice popping up in your head express itself. Those messages are there for you and will help you to get to know yourself better. We don’t need to follow exactly what they are saying but just listening and hearing them creates enormous peace.
Grab a piece of paper and a pen and ask this doubtful, negative and fearful voice inside your head: Why are you here? What do I need to know about myself? Get to know you and listen. You will be surprised!